Wednesday, 16 June 2010

On Sticking My Oar In [Part II]

Just when I thought my blog-well was dry and could think of nothing to write about, Gingerella saved the day with a meme. Gingerella I am indebted to you!

What is your most embarrassing moment of all time?

There are plenty to choose from, but this one stands out from the crowd:

I was at university, and so drunk I fell over on the dance floor [if only the embarrassment stopped here]. Seeing me sprawled on the floor in a puddle of drink, a bouncer came down to escort me out; I was, to be fair, far too inebriated to be anywhere apart from my bed. He asked me to follow him, which I did, and everything seemed fine, until he turned round and said,

"You don't have to hold my hand."

OH. MY. WORD. I didn't even realise, but as we walked through the crowd, I'd grabbed his hand. I must have been afraid of losing him in the throng. If only. On the upside, however, he did change his mind about sending me home - he must have decided I was far too soft to pose a real danger to anyone.

If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Wasabi peas. Again and again. Although I'd need a drink to wash them down, they're fiery little bastards for someone with as low a tolerance for hot foods as I. I shouldn't love them this much, but I do.

How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Hmmm...I don't know. I was such a slut. That's a joke, I wasn't. It just doesn't stand out as a memorable moment. This milestone, this rite of passage, probably passed me by due to the intense concentration required to avoid carving the other person's lips up with my brace. Bad times.

What is your browser home page?

At home, just Google. At work, I have iGoogle, with a translator (which is woefully inaccurate at times), a currency converter and a Spanish Word of the Day. Today's word was 'tranquillo', which means calm. I now know the words for calm, monkey, beer, fuck and toilet. This could make for an interesting sentence...

What colour do you never wear?

Beige. I'm open to most other colours though, and wear black and white too much.

Nature lover or city slicker?

This is hard to say, but I'd probably choose a city over the countryside. I like to be in the middle of things. I love busy places like stations and airports and tourist traps. You don't get that in the countryside. You're all alone, and if I'm alone I think, and if I think I'm in trouble.

If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?

In attempt to keep this post light-hearted, I'm going to put three superficial wishes. There are things that are more important to me, but I'll save those babies for a time I'm really miserable and wish to drag you all in to share my woe. Suffice it to say, for the moment, that the following would bring a smile to my face and a tear of joy to my eye:

1. England to win the World Cup [we'll need some magic for this to happen].

2. A lottery win would do nicely, as always. LOTTERY GODS SMILE UPON ME. MAKE ME HAPPY. Money shouldn't make people happy or sad, but it can completely alter my mood. I don't think I need it to be happy, but it does remove a lot of obstacles.

3. The world can't end in 2012. Simple. It must not; I have plans and an apocalypse will inconvenience me terribly.

Do you have any scars? How did you get them?

None of any interest. I think I have one under my eyebrow from headbutting a flower pot when I was little, but my eyebrow hides it.

Have you ever seen a ghost?

Not seen one but...[click for an account of my only paranormal encounter] - sorry for lazy linkage, but it's quite a long-winded story, and it's past my bed time!

What is your dream job?

When I was young, I wanted to be a button designer. I used to raid my mum's sewing box for interesting buttons. I still feel that there is a niche market for bespoke buttons and have not given up on my dream of one day breaking into this most sought-after industry.

I'm supposed to pass this meme on, but I know some people don't like them, so I'd like to set this meme free, like a bird from a cage. If you want to, take the bird in, feed it, give it a place to roost for the night, then send it on its way. If not...erm...shoot it, cook it and eat it?


  1. I do think your penchant for button designing is absolutely adorable...and necessary. There are some truly fantastic clothes ruined by hideous buttons! A job for TbR the button designer!

    The holding the bouncer's hand thing made me laugh out loud. Sillies. <3

    Headbutting a flower pot! Did it insult your mum?

    Oh wait.

  2. It was my pleasure to give you the "meme", I was looking forward to your answers and you did not disappoint!

    Spanish word of the day, eh? I like it. Might add that one to my iGoogle page. I'm guessing it wasn't Google that told you the spanish word for fuck, though right? Interesting sentence suggestion "Would you like a beer? Then we can have a calm, monkey fuck in the toilet." No? You don't like it? You wouldn't say that to a lovely spanish senorita?

    Oooh and your bouncer-hand-holding story just reminded me of when I fell asleep at a bar (and I mean actually leaning on the bar!) a few weeks ago, almost getting kicked out but then being put in the "sin-bin" outside for 3 minutes to think about what I'd done lol.

  3. I'll try to use those words in a sentence.

    "Calm down, monkey, have a beer and fuck the toilet."


    And you will totally win the lottery in 2011.

    That paranormal experience you had was pretty scary. I will blame you if I don't get sleep tonight.

  4. @ Risha - believe me when I tell you how pleased I am that you support my career choice. It really is necessary, you're right. Tomorrow, I'm going to the bank for a start-up loan.

    I'm not sure what the flowerpot said to make me launch myself, head first, into it - but I will say this; it hasn't bothered me since. I'm such a tough guy. Don't mess, flowerpot.

    @ Gingerella - a sin bin! NOW THAT'S A CLEVER IDEA! Some time out to think about what a fool I am would sort me out 9 times out of 10. Did it work for you, or did you go back in and head straight for bed at the bar?

    @ Gnetch - you can't blame me - I'm blameless - although I didn't sleep at all. I went to see a medium once (actually, it was a friend who told me she could do it when I was drunk) - after I left I practically ran home I was so spooked.

  5. hahaha... I love that you made a non-apocolypse one of your wishes. Genius! I'm a little late here, but I'm going to steal this meme and answer the questions.