Wednesday, 29 December 2010

On A Resolution Already Broken

Once again I find myself returning to the blogosphere's warm embrace with my tail between my legs.

After months of worrying about my advancing age, my greying hair and increasingly severe hangovers, I began to consider growing up. I decided to draw a line under the excess of my youth and at least to grow old gracefully. I was happy with this decision, until Boxing Day - the day on which this new resolution came crashing to ground.

I blame myself. To be more precise, I blame this post. Did I really believe I could be that smug and escape unpunished? No; I should not have said that I've 'learnt from the past' because, quite clearly, I haven't. I'm still completely useless at handling my drink and shouldn't be allowed up past 10 o'clock.

I started early, you see. I noticed that my dad and my (younger) brother were nursing their pints slowly, savouring them and that mine seemed to be disappearing somewhat faster than everybody else's. I explained this by telling myself that they were drinking Guinness, which is very heavy, and therefore cannot be drunk as quickly as lager. And then back to the house, where I should have stayed up for a few hours to catch up with relatives I haven't seen in a few months before heading to bed.

Unfortunately, I did no such thing. I did catch up with everyone, I had many an enjoyable conversation. The problem is that these conversations tended to increase in volume and crassness with each rum and coke that passed my lips.

The clock strikes 6 in the morning. The house is asleep, or at least it would be if yours truly, his father and his cousin weren't belting out a rousing rendition of Band Aid's 'Do They Know It's Christmas'. My dad threw in the towel at half past 6 and climbed the stairs to bed. My cousin fell asleep on the sofa. I, true to form, did some washing up - smashing an apparently expensive wine glass in the process.

The next day I was the last one up. I had trouble looking people in the eye, that bad did I feel. In fact, I felt so bloody bad I also had trouble walking, staying awake, talking and sitting upright. A group of particularly bedraggled people gathered in the corner - Those Who Stayed Up Late. I went to join them, and glanced briefly at their hungover faces before a wave of nausea demanded that I close my eyes. With my dad, my brother and two of my cousins I sat and listened as they patched together the night before. Apparently my brother made my dad go round the circle and tell everyone that he loved them, which we all found terribly amusing after so many years of him being emotionally closed off.

Since then, the memories have crept back. I had a great deal of fun, it must be said. I did not learn from past mistakes and retire to bed without making a fool of myself. I did not remain cool, calm and collected. We spoke of football, of music and people who are no longer with us. I sang, I shouted and I laughed until it hurt.

And then, the next day, I was sick down the back of my dad's head from the back seat as he drove us home.

A fifteen-minute drive later, we reached a motorway service station. As I wiped the vomit from my lap, and tried my best to wring out my sleeves, I began to think that next year I'll have to take my decision to grow up a little more seriously, I'm not 18 anymore, and if I'm not careful I'll have to start making my own way there and back.


  1. Oh my god, you threw up on your dad? That is awful! I hope he is a calm and forgiving man!

    You really know how to celebrate.

  2. You sang?? Now I want to hear you sing on your next video blog!!

    I feel like you want to punch me now. Hehe.


  3. There has never been any drinking involved at our family dinners (save for a glass or two of wine), so I've not had the opportunity to ever witness the crazy drunken relatives.

  4. Amazing. He didn't even punch you? Amazing. If I threw up on my dad he would have pulled the car over and beat the ever living life out of me.
    Also, if you ever want to do Band Aid with some of my folks from Boston, you'd have a hair brush microphone all your own. I'm still Bono.

  5. @ Allison - I think my dad is a bit passive agressive. He took it quite well, but I know I'll have the piss taken out of me for years to come, in retribution.

    @ Gnetch - NEVER! I can't sing. At all. Honestly. No-one would ever read my blog again.

    @ Tabs - I envy you, in a way. Part of me wishes we were a more civiised bunch, but it's what we do - and it's quite a lot of fun (for me, anyway!)

    @ Erin - Didn't lift a finger. I think he was too busy removing bits of bacon from his hair. You can be Bono, no problems. I'll be George Michael, if that's ok. Bono does get the best line: "And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom". Clanging chimes indeed.

  6. I'm impressed. Really, I am.

    Growing up isn't what it's made out to be. Once you grow up, you might end up like . This unnamed person toddled up the road to a NY party with his/her mates. Armed with a bottle of Co-operative's finest £3 bottle of Cava, s/he was ready to party it up. And tick tock the time went by, party was raving and there was sex drugs & rock'n'roll offered on a plate. This was amidst of it all, sleeping on the sofa because it was his/her bedtime at 10 o'clock.

    I totally just made up that story right here and now. *cough*not*cough*