On Gender Stereotypes

The Analyst has challenged me to reveal ten ways in which my behaviour defies the socially accepted stereotype of how a man should act. This, I think, will be easy.


1 - I know almost all of the words to Pretty Woman (the whole film, not just the song). I blame my mother for this - she'd put the video on to keep me and my brother quiet - we were both easily subdued by anything on the TV, and this way she got to drool over Richard Gere. My favourite lines include "Cinder-fucking-rella" and "Big mistake, huge." This also applied to Sister Act and Grease.


2 - I love shoes. I get sad when I can't afford them, and overjoyed when somebody buys me a pair. The pointier the better. I also appreciate brogues. I don't limit my appreciation to smart shoes; I am equally comfortable in any one of my six pairs of ripped Converses.


3 - N once had to turn off the TV during Schindler's list. My sobbing had reached worrying heights, and I'd only tuned in halfway through. It's that bit with the actors and the people they portrayed at the end, laying stones on Schindler's grave. I'm welling up as I type.


4 - I once came [very] close to tears and threw a huge strop because I couldn't find one of my socks. I was in a tent at Download Festival. Surrounded as I was by metalheads and hardcore rockers, I can safely say this was one of my least manly moments.


5 - If I see the words 'action-packed' and, to a lesser extent, 'thriller' in a film's write-up I probably won't watch it. I'll get my Pretty Woman DVD instead.


6 - I nag, almost constantly. I'm neither laidback nor easygoing. I'm neurotic, paranoid and will nag and mother people to make myself feel better. "Stop acting like a child...Don't stand so close to the edge of the platform...Don't run in the snow...Do you have to have your I-Pod on so loud?" Sometimes I wonder how I have any friends left...


7 - I had a troll collection when I was younger *hides face in shame*.


8 - I've touched on this before, but my favourite shop is Accessorize, being full of sparkly, shiny, jangly things. I can spend ages in there, despite the spelling.


9 - Once upon a time, the telly was broken. N's mum taught me how to knit. I wasn't very good, but with some help I did manage to produce a rather funky i-Phone holder that lasted for around three weeks before starting to unravel. Good times.


10 - I can't cook food on a barbeque. The realm of manly outdoor cooking is completely alien to me with its fire, fuel and slabs of meat. I mean I struggle enough with an oven, I need to learn to walk before I can run.


So there you have it. A poor excuse for a man. Masculinity is shaking its head in shame.

[As I've mentioned before, my tag goes out to any one who wants it! If you like it (this one's a good one, I think) take it, I insist.]